Thinkin' on your stomach.

You never know when Communism might seep into your country and attack you in your own backyard. It might even be through toothpaste. Which probably, very rationally and justifiably so, explains why the U.S is now checking all toothpaste imports from China. Heck, brushing one's teeth might not be good after all!!! 

  

 

 

 

 
(Red. In More Ways Than One.)

 

I can imagine the U.S Food and Drug Administration Head explaining the agency's actions in a press conference.

 

" Lets face it folks, we are in a rapidly globalizing world. This is the era of technological advancement and economic development. In the course of our progress, we cannot let filibusters and monkey-wrenches hinder our machinery. Among the primary threats to the American dream of peace, prosperity and success is Communism *shudder across the conference room*. For the uninitiated, let me brief you about this, this...thing..called Communism. Communists are elusive and thanfully, endangered species who habitate certain remote corners of the world. Found abundant due to thriving conditions present in Cuba, Russia, certain parts of South America, China and even India*, their livelihood is restricted to blabbering absolute and incoherent gibberish about a Revolution that will never happen. They can be easily identified by their clothing and mannerisms; for example the Indian sub-species of Communists are reported to be clothed in this material they call "khadi", bought from the best of multinational apparel industries, and they carry around a morose-looking bag which reportedly contains copies of the Communist Manifesto to be distributed to street urchins.

Let me not digress from our present concern folks. Our extremely reliable intelligence sources, yes, the very same that told us about the 9/11 attacks five seconds before they actually happened, have reported that China, currently the second largest exporter of toothpaste to the U.S., has started adding small doses of, believe it or not, Communism in the toothpaste that they send us! This has been confirmed by our inspection officials who have recently found miniature toys and figurehoods of Marx and Lenin in the toothpaste packets received; some even found copies of the Little Red Book in them. This is an extremely tense moment for all of us here; a national crisis to say the least. However, I'm glad to inform you that the situation is well under-control. Not only has the inspection procedure been strengthened, but our Propaganda Wing has already invested hundreds of millions in advertisements that claim the use of these pastes will result in prolonged tooth decay and bad breath to the consumers. *The crowd bursts into huge applause at this juncture* Thank you, thank you. That will be all. God Bless America."

 *Not to worry, ladies and gentlemen, we have the Indians eating out of our hands. Our intelligence sources state that the two so-called Communist states in India are undergoing massive liberalization policies and that the Chief Minister of West Bengal's favourite hobby currently includes throwing farmers out of their land and watching them get beaten up later on. There's still hope.